I’ve been dealing with bipolarmost of my life. I’ve had few long term relationships and came close to getting married a couple times. But now as I’m older, it’s hard for me to even attract anyone. I’m shy, I get really nevous around females. I don’t know how to speak a conversation like I used to. All my friends have someone and I’m alone. I feel so worthless. Any suggestions?
Hey Ryan, so sorry you’re feeling down. I know you’re in a tough spot, but I promise you are not worthless. You’ve been a bright light to others here, always sharing positive words of encouragement and support. Having the ability to relate to others and lift them up is a rare and valuable gift! And you’ve got it my friend.
I understand what it’s like to feel shy and stumble in conversations. I used to describe the feeling as “embarrassed” when I was younger. I’d get all flushed and want to hide when people started conversations with me—especially if I didn’t know them. Eventually, I found out the feeling was just my longtime companion, “anxiety”. It always seemed to pop up when least expected…and often in disguise. Bit by bit, I started to work my way through it.
I’ll share a few things that helped,
I wrote down my anxiety/fear triggers and how I dealt with them. This helped me get “ahead” of surprise emotions and build tools to conquer them.
I practiced starting conversations first. This gave me a chance to talk about something I was comfortable with, which helped me feel less anxious.
I built more inner confidence by being more accepting of myself, no matter the situation. A great side effect of that is it helped me care less about what other people were thinking, which led to less social anxiety. An old friend once told me, “It’s none of your business what other people think—that’s their own private thoughts in their own private head!”. I couldn’t agree more now. :-)
I don’t know a single person that hasn’t felt worthless at some point in their life. You are not alone! I look back today and realize all my “failures” and feelings of worthlessness were actually the building blocks to conquering a large portion of my social anxiety. So, yea, anxiety sucks 99.9% of the time, but I gotta give it credit for helping me build character and strength!. And for that, I’m thankful for it.
I still get nervous in social situations. But when it happens now, I just tell people up front, “Oh hey. I have social anxiety. Like, talking to you right now is making me feel nervous and I’d rather be fishing/playing video games/making cheeseburgers, etc.” and then I laugh it off. This actually helps break the ice and I’ve made some of my closest friends today because of the honesty! You never know, the person you’re feeling anxious talking to might be feeling the very same way. Why not just say it first? :)
Sending you all the strength and support my friend. You are appreciated!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I try to stay positive as much as I can. And thank you for the advice on going to work on everything you said to me. I never used to be so shy. I guess old age does that to ya?? 😁 Well anyway, I’m going to try to keep the positive vibes going. And if you or anyone else needs an ear, in always checking this cuz I’m always updating my moods on this app. 😆
One thing that really surprised me and won me a spouse was being blunt. My wife before we tried dating had been a snarky friend with an amusing attitude so when she made a very inappropriate comment I followed it up with one of my own. From that point on we found that there wasn’t anything we couldn’t discuss and that became the bedrock of our relationship. Sometimes it’s our faults that become our strongest features.
I hear ya. I can be blunt but unfortunately the only females in around are either ex’s or co-workers. I don’t know. Maybe being bipolar I’m just better off. I’ve tried dating sites but got catfished last week. That kind of there me off a lot. It’s hard to trust now. I don’t know. I just had to vent. I know everyone says to take my time and let God bring me three one I’m supposed to be with. I’m 43. I’m ready anytime. Lol. I got some good advice from you guys. Going to try new things. Thank you
Glad to help in any way. Hope you’re feeling better today and reminding yourself that you have a lot to offer this world. I’m sorry to hear about what happened with the catfishing situation—that is not cool at all. If you can, please try not to let anyone else’s poor choices and unkindness change your life course or attitude about trust. Untrustworthy people don’t deserve to have a say in your happiness or life. There are many trusting people in this world. You’ll be able to spot the red flags now even more, because you’ll have the experience and know a good person when you find them.
Have an awesome weekend and be good to yourself. I’m happy we can all be here for each other!
You are so right. My best friend also told me the same thing last night. Not to let other people makemebitter . And I know. My happiness shouldn’t be based on others approval or disapproval. I’m just going to be my outgoing, energetic, lively, and positive guy that I used to be. 😁
Oh sorry. You have a great week 😁
You’re not worthless. I have trouble with my speech alot so you’re not alone. And I am sure you will find the right partner for you. Best of luck my friend
Thank you, Beckie. I appreciate that. I know I’m not worthless, I just feel that way sometimes but everyone is showing me that I’m not. I’m taking in so much advice lately, changing my way of thinking, letting go of things no longer worthy of my time and energy. I’m not going to take on everyone else’s responsibilities. Im going to be me. The old me, the happy me.
Where do you live Hun
I know how you feel…you are not alone, you just haven’t met the right person yet, you are not worthless…you are amazing and awesome and strong even if you don’t see it at the moment…always be yourself and be proud of who you are, everyone feels the same way when starting a new relationship as far as being nervous and shy, its normal… keep your head up and keep moving forward…don’t waste time dwelling on the past…you are a good person and you will find happiness…how you feel and what you think does matter, always treat yourself good, love yourself first…then everything else just kinda falls into place…you are gonna be okay, if you need a friend, now you have one, hugs talk again soon…👍😁❤❤❤
Beckie, I love in Fort Dodge, Iowa
Nanlynn, thank you for the kind words. I’m doing my best to change my way of thinking about myself and the world around me. I’ve read The Four Agreements and I love that book. Opened my eyes to a lot of how my thoughts effect not just me but those around me. I’m tired of being negative about myself, so I’m starting a new exercise program, watching what I put in my body, watching how I react to everything and journaling every night before bed. I have a few friends who I’ve shared this app with so they can add also keep track of my moods and if I take my meds or not and hold me accountable. So far I’m doing good. Haven’t had a meltdown in a couple weeks. 😁 And about the relationship, I’m going to let God choose her for me cuz obviously my choices aren’t the greatest. 😁 I know I have to love myself first and I’m working on it. Thank you for being here for me, all of you who read my post. You are all awesome and wonderful people. Never forget that. Have a great night. 😁
I am so happy you are working on being positive and I love that book as well, it made me stop and think too, I am in the same boat, let God choose for me because I have made bad choices as well, you are definitely on the right track, hugs and love 👍😁❤❤❤❤
As a bi-polar female, I have to tell you that you are not alone. I am very shy, I feel like I’m tongue tied, and I can’t carry on a conversation with anyone to save my life. I have severe social anxiety and PTSD from being beaten by an ex, so that just makes looking for someone new three times as stressful.
I’m sad and basically convinced at this point that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, I have a tendency to push people away that I don’t know well and are trying to get too close, too fast.
The only thing keeping me here is the promise that I will never harm myself. 💔
I’m sorry. Yeah, I know I’m going to be alone cuz once I get happy, I let my bs past come up and runs it. I self sabotage I guess. I’m just not even going to try anymore. I hate being lonely. But there’s more to me than what people see.
Have you tried a support group? Practice talking and have a list of things to talking about. There are dating sites. Maybe, meet someone at a church function. You need to be yourself and have them to accept you the way you are. We all have baggage.
When you meet someone, start fresh.
Talk about her, let her feel that you listen to her. Do not bring up that past mistakes or bumps in the road. Think positive, dress up and
smile. If you want to talk in depth
About negative things, it suck energy out of the other person. Might need a counselor to get over parts of your life , that you do not have closure.
God loves you. You need to love yourself. Give yourself a break. Thing of 3 good things everyday about you or your life. Life can always be worse. Sometimes, when people stop looking for a partner, and work on yourself. Take a class or find a hobby. That when it will happen. We label ourselves before we even meet a new person. What is your new positive label? If you think the worst, that is what you will get. Okay, things do not always go the way you want them to. But it happens for a reason. God might have better plans for you but you will not find out if you do not put yourself out there. I know there is a wonderful woman out there for you
Aww, thanks, Robin. Yeah, my friends tell me to work on me first and God will send me the perfect one for me. Well, he already did, but shes not interested in me like that. We’re good friends and yeah. I’ll wait patiently. 😁 I agree. I need a hobby. Been telling everyone I need to go to church, but kinda scared to go by myself. Social anxiety and all. Maybe one of these I’ll work up the courage.
I hate being lonely. But I hate being devestated by someone else’s cruelty more. And like a fool, I opened myself up and let someone in, and now I’m just feeling utterly destroyed. I wish to God for my own place so I could just be by myself and not have to go through this again and again. Loneliness sucks but inconsiderate and rude people suck more.