When will it end?

I know when it began… I was only 9. But, i wasn’t diagnosed till my first suicide attempt. I was 12 the first time. I should have learned my lesson then but i didnt. I just kept trying everytime i tried everytime i failed. The physiologist used me as a Guinea pig just to see what type of anti depressants, moodstablizers,
anxiety pills, and sleeping agents would work on me without me abusing them all. The only thing that stopped me from harming myself from me OVER DOSING on my own medication is my stepmom (R.I.P) locked them up in the lock box.

I have never been able to get my depression under control. I am now 45 years old, been divorced 4 time, rocky relationship with my kids and rest of my family
(That’s why I am here in Florida and they are all in Pennsylvania) It does get real lonely for me, but I have a wonderful boyfriend and his mother whom loves me so very much . But he sent know anything about depression. Even my own mom said it’s all in my head. I have a chemical imbalance and the things a normal person can handle I cant. I am even on xanax to help me sleep cause I have night terrors.

I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused when I was younger. And raped twice. The last time I was carrying twins and I lost 1 of the babies and almost lost my daughter. And you know what my first husband did? Not a damn thing! All because the dude was a higher pay grade then him. Brian sisnt think the courts would believe a 18 almost 19 year old pea-on like me. I’ll try to remember to write more tomorrow…night all

You have been through a lot warrior. My prayers are for you. I am glad you have a good and loving support group. Don’t underestimate counseling. If you have not already done so. Find good counseling services through your doctor, social worker, church, friends, ect. It is work, but worth it in the end. Love yourself, you are worthy of it.
Hugs and Love


The only bad thing about my group and counseling is that my group is ending very soon. And I have been in and out of counseling since I was about 14