Welcome me

Hello all, I am new to this community. I am hoping to be able to connect with people with similiar situations as myself. I am a 45 year old woman. I moved from Alabama back to Massachusetts to care for my parents. I am living with them with my 16 year old daughter. I am their full time only care taker. I do have 2 other adult children, as well as 3 grandchildren.
Hoping to connect with others to chat, maybe even bounce ideas off of.

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You Are a Great daughter.

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@James
Thank you so much. I am surely trying to do my best. Many health issues with the two of them.

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That’s the problem with older people.
I’m familiar with a few health problems.
Best of luck 🍀 😊

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Welcome! I am not a primary care giver for my parents in that they are in a really nice Assisted Living community. However, I am their primary caregiver in that I am the only child left (my only sibling, my older sister, was killed in a car accident a year and a half ago) to assist with Dr appts, care reviews with the nursong staff, etc. My mom has full on Alzheimer’s and my dad is progressing into moderate Alzheimer’s but wants to continue caring for my mom. He is kicking and screaming into full Alzheimer’s!!

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@chicky7
I’m sorry for your loss. I actually moved back from Alabama because my parents needed the live in help as well as they wanted to be able to die at home. They didn’t want to have to go into a nursing home or assisted living. I’m doing the best I can, but it is surely hard work. I have a brother that lives in Texas and two other siblings that live here in mass. However, I get no help at all.

I am sorry you aren’t getting any other help. I hope you don’t mind if I pray for you and your parents.

My parents did not own a home so it was a little different for them. They are still having adjustment issues, though. My dad is a control freak so h3 8s rebelling against others checking on him all the time. Unfortunately, I am known as the daughter of the stro g- willed gentleman in 411 😪

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Take care of yourself and it will give you the strength too take care of others.

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Take care of you, so you can take care of them.

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I have to take care of me to care for them because I have had what they call an intractable migraine that has not gone away in over 2 years. If it wasn’t for my immediate family helping me with my parents, I would really be struggling.

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I too am caregiver for my parents. Mainly my dad. I’m new to the group here.

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It’s the hardest most rewarding job you’ll ever do. I grew up in a 3 generation home, my parents took in my grammy and grampap when I was 6 so I was practically a born caregiver. They passed when I was 16 & 18. I actually went for my lie detector test for my first “official” job during my grammy’s wake. Married, hubby Air Force, SAHM, when my kids were turning 7 & 9 my mom had a heart attack, we were blessed that my hubby got a job back home, house sold immediately, I was 36. Moved home, took care of mom, and dad, father in law was getting bad too so I took care of him too. He didn’t want to move in with us but lived close enough that it was easy enough to take care of him and he didn’t need someone living with him, just checking on him. Which when he passes I was very upset and insulted because the first thing the police said was “it looks like he’s been dead a couple days” I said “1)I was here yesterday 2) I also talked to him on the phone yesterday. He may have passed last night but he was alive yesterday around noon.” And I started crying. His landlord lived across from him and said “she’s always here” The officer felt bad and said he was sorry, when someone dies alone they have to do that to make sure the deceased wasn’t neglected. He never was, the landlord checked on him for me, he found him. The next year my momma passed. My daddy passed almost 2 years ago at almost 94. The caregiving I do now is my hubby, who is still working and making sure my 69yr old brother gets to his dr appointments. My health is starting to fail now. I did the caregiving by myself. I have 4 older brothers who love me and tell me and my hubby every day how much they appreciate everything we did for momma and daddy. There’s nothing they won’t do for us.

Yes, it’s hard, harder than raising kids, bigger diapers and stinkier, LOL. When that and having to bathe your parents, especially the opposite sex comes, remember, it’s just a body, just like when you bathed your kids. Just do me a favor please, be gentle, we had a hospice nurse that came in, stripped my dad and bathed him very rough, I came in at the tail end from a doctor appointment. My poor daddy was near tears. So was my daughter who was taking care of him. She didn’t touch him again.

Also when they don’t recognize you. Luckily my mom’s was dementia so it came and went. But it was still hard. I pray hard for families with Alzheimer’s.

When caregiving remember they still are your parents, show them respect. l always obeyed my parents rules when growing up. “You can never take back the spoken word” My mom was like raising a teenage girl at times, which was weird because that wasn’t my mom, but then it hit me that she was depressed. Antidepressants and she was momma again. Daddy was always happy and a riot. My hubby is a grumpy old man. His mom is grumpy but his dad was fun. My brother is fun. Everyone deals with pain differently.

Sorry, I’m a talker.

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I’m so sorry. That’s got to be hard. Just love him and do your best.

It’s very hard when you do it on your own. My problem was asking for help. I would worry so much when I was gone. Also my daddy would actually hold it until I got home or insist he wasn’t hungry, then starved after they left. LOL

@dkwork
Welcome hoping to meet some people that are going through some of the things I go through. Hoping to connect and make some friendships

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@pammiejom
I have actually reached out to my sister who lives 10 minutes down the road for help. I was sick with a bug. Mom was in the hospital and dad needed to get up and see mom, my sister told me “no”. I actually couldn’t believe it. But yet if anything happens with my parents she texts me with a million and one questions, but won’t be there at physically. My parents have to have someone with them 24 hours. Especially my mom. So, I don’t get to get out at all. When moms home I can’t even get to church which is my sanity.

Welcome to the group.

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That’s terrible!!! Have you checked if there’s a senior helper group around you? My nieces mom runs one. It’s called seniors helping seniors.

I am so sorry you can’t get family help!! Do you have any senior day care places in town where you could leave them just long enough to go to church? I know how important that connection is to continue being a caregiver so just a thought.

@pammiejom
I will have to Check in to that. However along with my mom and dad’s medical stuff, my mom also has some very manipulating behaviors as well. She will not aloud anyone in the house “That she doesn’t know” to do any type of care. She will also not attend a day program.

We are just coming out of some major medical stuff. She has had 3 major surgeries in her entire gi track. In Jan she had a bowel obstruction. Then the beginning of Feb she had a major gi bleed that she almost died from. No one can ever tell me that my God is not still in the miracle working business.

On top of all that mom has Parkinson, ms, osteoporosis, pagets, epilepsy.due to the balance issues with the Parkinson’s she has had many falls in the last year and four months, which because of her osteoporosis she has ended up with many broken bones. Also “not” eating issues. Which causes her body to not have the right nutrients. It is a mess with her.

Sorry had to vent all that

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