Struggling to let go

last month i had been feeling like my long distance boyfriend wasn’t giving me as much attention as he used to. i didn’t want to express this over text so i waited for him to come back home for the holidays so i could tell him. when he got here he gave me nothing but attention and affection which confused me a bit since he was acting a bit different before he came home. but i still decided i would let him know how i felt. i’m terrified of talking about my deep feelings and thoughts because i am afraid of how the other person would react so opening up to him took me a lot of courage and rehearsing in therapy. unfortunately one night i chose the wrong time because he had been drinking a lot that night. when i explained to him he stayed quiet. i asked him if he still loved me like he said he did and he told me he didn’t know. this was a really big shock to me because his words were completely different from the way he was acting and talking to me before i confronted him and he had always said he would always love me and be here for me. he wouldn’t let me go home that night so i stayed and he told me we would talk about it in the morning. the next morning he showered me with kisses and it was as if nothing had happened the night before. it has been that way ever since. i always wonder if he even remembers that night or if he’s just pretending like it didn’t happen just to avoid the situation. i’ve been wanting to confront him about it because it really hurt me but he’s back in another state and i don’t like to talk about these important things over the phone. i won’t see him again til april and i don’t want to keep holding on to this moment for the next 4 months. i want to let go of this but i’m struggling so much it has been all i’ve been thinking about for the past few days

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I don’t understand what’s going on? Or what’s wrong? You have a boyfriend and your in a relationship.

basically, my usually very loving and supportive boyfriend changed when i confronted him about my feelings and it hurt me very much. the next day he started acting as if nothing had even happened. i don’t know if he just doesn’t remember because he was drinking or if he’s pretending it didn’t happen to avoid more conflict. he had never hurt me that much before and that moment has been replaying in my head since that night

I wouldn’t even stress about it. He’s still with you so he obviously loves you. Just drop it and avoid conflict. He is still with you.

I am so sorry to hear that you are emotionally in a bad way.
First off I would like to commend you for even trying a long distance relationship when they usually don’t work out.
My experience is that depending on the amount of alcohol they consume finds two types of people

  1. They don’t remember what they said or did.
  2. They let their true feelings known.
    What I would do is ask yourself if you truly want this to work out, is he the one? If you believe in your heart and soul he is then let his actions speak for themselves and give him the benefit of the doubt. Forgot what he said when je was drumk and move on. If you can’t get that nagging feeling that you had when you asked him the question, wait and see how it goes while he is gone this time. If he is better, I would forget about his drunken answer and move forward.
    If he is the same as before the holidays, when he comes home next time I’d ask him the same thing before any alcohol so that you don’t have any doubts of his feelings for you.
    I hope you find this helpful and I wish you the best.
    God bless you and I will pray that God will show you the way through this uncertain time.
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thank you so much for your reply. your words really mean a lot to me. i will definitely keep your words in my notes to remind myself when i am struggling with these thoughts

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Long Distance Relationships are really hard on both of you. I was in one for serval years across 1700 miles then I moved to NY where he was and things were great to start but we had a rough patch after a couple of months but we talked about it and worked it out with each other and we are going on 3 yrs living together

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i’m glad that things are going great for the both of you! this makes me hopeful that my boyfriend and i can continue to make things work til he comes back home in 2021

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I believe that you should listen to your gut. If you have that nagging feeling way down that something is wrong; I would listen! I can say this because I married a man with whom I had a long distance relationship. For me it turned out badly. So much so that a Monsenioir advised me “to divorce.
the asshole”. My experience is not ypur experience, just sharing what I went through because of ignoring my gut. I hope and pray that things work out well for you.

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What does he do that he is gone?

he is in the army right now :( he is halfway through his contract

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Then just hold in there. Being in the military is hard on all .

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Hey, I know this is a few days old but I just want to give my little tidbit to try helping… He was drunk, first off, so anything he said about his feelings for you has to be taken with a really big grain of salt. Second, I saw you said he is in the Army. My little brother is in the Army too, and when he was here for the holidays I confronted him about changes I’ve been seeing in him and his new lack of emotional attachment to his family. We talked for hours and basically, he is changing the same way as we all are, slowly and with time. Not just my brother but your boyfriend too. The Army and all branches of military definitely push anyone’s emotional boundaries as much as possible, and they have to keep any emotions inside at all times. It’s not healthy for them imo but it also isn’t something necessarily bad. We ALL change with time, and he is being conditioned to think and act a certain way. It’s just harder to grow with each other instead of apart when you aren’t physically there to see those changes happen and deal with them one at a time. I think you guys should talk about it, it’s okay if it’s over the phone as long as you both can keep a cool head. Not something you should wait 4 months for :/ I hope I made sense or helped

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I was with an alcoholic. He apologized multiple times WHILE drunk. It means nothing. Alcohol blocks all emotional releases. They are not organized thoughts, you only see one aspect of a complex issue and they emotionally see NONE OF IT. So that conversation was a waste. Talk only while sober about any real issues if you want progress.
Best of luck. Many here are right, but you are living it now.

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Good answer!! Don’t discuss important stuff when the other person is drinking! Yes. It is very hard being in a long distance relationship.

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