Questions for Caregivers

I hope all of you are doing well and taking care of you. I have two questions. Do any of you have to play “Good cop, bad cop” while taking care of your loved one? Also, would you find it helpful if there was a book with tips from a caregiver on ways to handle caregiving so it doesn’t handle you? Thanks for your responses.

3 Likes

Yes, I do to keep my husband Son, who lives with us with his special needs 13 year old son.
I’m taking care of my husband, who has seizures, Fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis with bone spurs in his back, Restless leg syndrome, Central sleep Apnea, Lichen kn plantus in his mouth that he has about 5 different meds for that, it will never go away. He had Anxiety, depression, etc. To many to go into.
I always have to keep the peace between them because they clash
All the time. I have to refery between my son and grandson all the time but that is to long to tell. Yes I do feel like Good Cop, Bad Cop. I am stuck in the middle and feel like everything I do is wrong.

Yes I would read a book on this subject.
3 Likes

@Susan Miller, you definitely have your hands full. If you have not considered respite care or in home assistance, try to work that out soon. I am often the bad cop while the lady who comes for a couple of hours in the mornings is the good cop who saves her. Also adult daycare is a life saver. Make time to take care of you because if you’re not well you can’t help them. I am getting better at this every day.

3 Likes

Thank you! I just had an incident with dehydration from food poisoning and had diarrhea for 1 day, went to the gym the next day because I felt much better. I came home and collapsed and my husband and son couldn’t get me to come around so my son called 911 and an ambulance took me to the ER, they ran all kinds of tests and it was just dehydration and they put in 4 bags on liquid into my veins
Learned a lesson. Take better care of myself.

2 Likes

Please do take care of you! I often walk away and wait out my mom until she gets tired of not being able to do what she needs to. It does get frustrating but I focus on other things I have to do and keep checking on her every 10 or 15 minutes. Eventually she wears down. LOL! Self-care is critical for caregivers. Know it’s okay to put yourself in timeout. I do it all the time. Feel free to keep in touch cause those days will come and we caregivers understand better than others. Have a blessed night!

3 Likes

Thank you very much! May God Bless you for all you do. Good night.

1 Like

Call 211 and ask. They should be able to give you the information you are asking about. It’s so hard to be a caregiver. I was a CNA for years and it is a tough job. Even tougher when you do it for family. Call your doctor’s office and ask for help they should be able to direct you too.
I’ve read a book called “Care for the Caregiver.” It was helpful. Also check Google. If you have the time it can be helpful also. Good luck!!
If you have any questions I can try to help.

1 Like

I was a CNA and a Med tech for more years than I care to admit. I loved my job but you have to take care of you first. If not your headed for trouble. Sometimes you have to be your own advocate for you. Try to find quiet time for yourself.

2 Likes

I actually get up two hour early if my Special Needs Grandson is with us, to eat and take meds before he gets up, just so I have time alone. He is with us every other week. He is a handful. He is also a joy.

My daughter was a handful growing up then she went with her dad to another state. Now I tried to have her with me only she made my life miserable. So as much as I really didn’t want to for my own health I had to sent her back to him. She’s 28.

1 Like

What is 212?

Thank you everyone for your advice! I really appreciate your support.

211 is similar to 911, however, it is a non-emergency number with information on service providers in the local community.

2 Likes

Thank you!

1 Like

So true, I have been a caregiver for 11 yrs, first for a quadriplegic veteran and now the last 8 yrs my father (Marine, retired police, Irish, first stages of dementia and the latest, my Daddy). It’s a chore, I never know anymore who I’m waking up to, I love in a Mom-in-law Apt behind his house. Let’s just say I learned my lesson on not caring for myself. By the time I did my first go round my BP was 69/35, bad infection and just about crawling to the bathroom.
You cannot let yourself go even for a minute, tension headaches, all kinds of physical ailments will result.
My motto is “If I’m not healthy I can’t care for anyone else”.

3 Likes

Absolutely Correct!

I always am . My husband has bipolar and ptsd. God give me strength. It takes a toll on me but I love him and couldn’t imagine life without him.

1 Like

taking care of a loved one is very difficult. I took care of my mother for 7 and 1/2 years. Yes there are times when you want to scream. You will have conflicts. I found that if you can just get away for 10 minutes a day for yourself it makes a difference. I was working care of my mother. When she was hospitalized on her 101st birthday and she came home it was shortly after that does she got a caregiver until the day she had passed at the age of 102. given during that time it was still difficult. He got harder and harder

1 Like