I’m a bi male and my boyfriend is straight. We’re perfect together with excellent communication and amazing affection for each other. We live together and nothing could be better BUT I’ll never forget the conversation when he told me he thinks I’m a very attractive guy but he’s not attracted to me and although I can do certain sexual things to him he will not go further than that. He’s suggesting we find a female to join us or a couple. That’s difficult for me because I’d like to work on our sex life first then explore but he wants to opposite. I’m not sure if this is going to work and that terrifies me. What would you do?
Bringing someone else in will not make it work for you. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do just for you and if that means letting him go then let him go.
I agree, he is only getting your hopes up.
You deserve better!
Update: Things are so good I don’t want this small part of the relationship equation to destroy us. I’m considering compromising and going for it.
You won’t be happy.
And you will probably be jealous.
Think about how heart broken you will be.
You pick the girl and see what happens
I say if you honestly think you can go through with it, not only go through with it but have a good time and enjoy yourself as well and be comfortable then go for it… There isn’t anything wrong with expressing and exploring your sensuality and sexualality… Here is where it gets tricky though you cannot get jealous or throw it in his face after the fact… On the other hand if deep down you really don’t want to do this or your uncomfortable with it I wouldn’t because you will regret it later and you will be setting yourself up for heartache… My heart goes out to you honey, You have a lot to think about and decisions to make… Good Luck hun and You got this 💯
Update: The other night I got online and started searching. Later he thanked me for making an effort. He said this is what would make him happy and what he wants to do in order to become comfortable with moving to the next level with me.
Outside of the bedroom everything is perfect. He challenges me intellectually better than anyone I know. We have remodeled inside the house and landscaped the outside of the house together, it’s been so much fun.
There’s another bazar issue at play. At night we go to bed together and when I wake up the door is closed and he’s sleeping on the couch. It has become the new norm and I haven’t been making a big deal about it because he definitely knows it upsets me. It’s kind of a thing for me and hurts my feelings. Perhaps I need to relax and not be so critical?
You summed up the problem in your opening sentence. You are a bi male and your boyfriend is straight.
Are you expecting him to become bi? Are you expecting him to become gay? How would you respond to someone expecting you to be anything other than what you are?
This is probably a confusing and upsetting time for him. Yes, you should have a relationship with someone that is “all in” with the relationship. Is that going to be him? CAN that be him?
Think about that honestly. You can still be best friends, you can still be close. Does a relationship that requires one of the members to be someone he isn’t a healthy relationship? Don’t you deserve a healthy relationship? Doesn’t he also?
He wants a female in the bedroom because, and stay with me here, he’s straight.
All my relationships have been with straight men. For some reason they consider me the exception and end up breaking up with their girlfriends or getting divorces. I know you want to believe that the straight label guarantees your man would never leave you for another man but sweetheart it’s simply not true. I don’t like being with gay guys I don’t really relate, so when a straight guy falls for me I consider it an option. I really hate labels because then very ignorant conversations like this ultimately happen.
As a matter of fact things have improved a lot since I posted this, without playing games just being confident and myself. His ex girlfriend messaged me on Facebook today and said she’s so happy to see him this happy. We just needed to have a talk and remind each other of our commitments to one another. As for sex, he seems pretty good with it now. 😉