I’m Amy and I have a twin sister Ann. We just turned 50 last week. For several years my twin was married to a very narcissistic man who mentally beat her down. I’ve always lived in another state and wasn’t there to help with her kids or her in general. This guy was a peach - after they divorced he literally threatened to go to their son’s school and take him. He’s a pilot with a small plane. School was locked down. My other sister happens to be a secretary at the school. Once he gets there, he says, “I was just bringing him lunch from McDonald’s.” Total jerk. So I get why she has so many mental issues. First husband told her he wanted a divorce when he was deployed to the Philippines after running up credit cards like you wouldn’t believe. The kids were 3 and 8. Great dad until he did that. She’s now married to a man who treats her like a queen that we graduated HS with and although she still has issues, he is patient, caring, understanding, hardworking - my whole family adores him. Now about me. I’ve got nothing to “complain” about. Absolutely wonderful husband- just celebrated 22 years of marriage, have 2 independent and kind lovely daughters 17 & 20, I don’t have to work & have been a stay at home mom since my first was born. In 2003, my husband was deployed to Iraq. My doctor, I’m sure with good intentions, put me on Zoloft even though I had no signs of depression or anything else but he said I would need them. Dosage got up to 300mg over the years. About 10 years ago, I got chicken Pox and then a few months later I got a migraine that lasted for 2 months. I was topamaxed to the hilt! My brain has never been the same. I couldn’t even spell my name. A neuro finally put me in the hospital to detox me from that plus did a week long DHE treatment to break the migraine. Which it did for a total of 2 days. Had a migraine at various degrees since 2007. Been on every preventative known to man. At one point I was on 4 at the same time. Even tried Botox but it didn’t work and I HATED the numb feeling. I finally said enough is enough and my regular dr and I slowly tapered me off all of them. Still have head pain but it’s no worse then when I was taking a handful of drugs. A couple of years later I had 2 seizures while at the dentist office. EMTs just happened to be working out next door so everyone got to see the 2nd one. Lovely. Having a cap put on a tooth and the dentist had to get me to a certain point in the procedure before they could take me to the ER. Didn’t drive for a year. No more seizures. Agoraphobia set in slowly. Husband travels a lot for his job. Over the years I have been diagnosed with REM sleep disorder. Basically I didn’t know that kicking the crap out of your husband, screaming, falling out of bed and busting your lip or giving yourself a black eye was abnormal until my new neurologist happened to also specialize in sleep disorders. Things have gone downhill fast. A few months ago I started having these rage episodes. I have never, ever acted like I do when I’m in the midst of one. It’s almost like an out of body experience. But I can’t stop myself from saying horrible things, breaking things, just being downright mean to my oh so patient husband. This last episode lasted 4 days. Xanax does nothing to calm it down. Our youngest daughter - senior in HS - is a dancer & had ACL surgery in July. Officer on high school drill team plus a competitive dancer. Yesterday was the first time she got to dance at a drill team competition and in only one dance where her parts were modified so she could be in it. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my house and be In the loud, unknown to watch my baby girl do the thing she loves the most. The guilt - overwhelming. And it has been the hardest thing ever to find a psychiatrist!! Why is it so hard? 2-3 month wait! I’m at the point I’m willing to do anything to be me again. I’m tired of crying and all the stupid anger. Yesterday was the first time I had ever told my husband they would be better off without me. I was finally accepted to Mayo Clinic in Rochester in the psychiatric dept and have an appt March 5-7. Yay!! Then we just found out that the Neuro dept also accepted me. Calling tomorrow to make that appt. Well my husband is because j don’t talk on the phone anymore. Has anyone ever been treated there and were you happy with the outcome?
Thanks for reading my book lol. Did not intend to babble on quite that much!