Missing my daughter

I have a problem with my daughter. She’s grown and has 3 children. We have always been very close her whole life. She was my best friend. I helped raise those kids. If she needed anything I was always there to help. I have have loved her and those babies with my whole heart…This year and I’ve had some significant health issues and haven’t been able to do as much as I did in the past. We talked on the phone for over an hour 1 day. We laughed and talked as we usually do except when I brought up my health issues, she would change the subject and has not acknowledged the subject at all. Two days after that call she text me and said that she wanted me to stay away from the kids and she never wanted to see or hear from me again. When I asked why she said that I had hurt her beyond forgiveness and she didn’t want me to hurt her kids like I hurt her. I am clueless about how I have hurt her. She will not tell me. I have text her many times and called knowing she wouldn’t answer, but I left voicemail begging her to just tell me what I did. She has never responded. I’m not allowed to see my babies at all. I used to go pick them up and spend the day with them by going out to eat and going to a movie or anything other activity they chose to do. They are all teenagers now. The only contact I have with them now is by texting. And if she knew we were doing that she would tell them not to. They have asked me when we’re going out again. I have no answer for them. I would never involve them in whatever it is that’s going on between their mom and me. I’m devastated and don’t have any idea what to do. I miss my daughter and my babies so much. My heart is broken. I have done everything I know to do to get her to at least tell me how I have hurt her. I have been in the hospital twice this year and my sister has called her to tell her and she says she don’t care. I’m at a loss. Anyone have any advice for me?? I can’t go on like this. What do I do???

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Hello, I’m writing to you because as a mom also, I feel your pain. Perhaps I’m not the best person to give advice on mother/daughter relationships because I have had some issues with communication with my own daughter the past couple of years.

But here it goes anyway and I hope it helps. First of all, I’m very sorry that you are not well and are going through some significant health problems. That’s tough to go through, I know from experience. And I can tell that you love your daughter and your grandchildren a lot. So to not have a relationship with them hurts you, right?

My suggestion is for you and your sister to visit your daughter and apologize face to face. You are apologizing for your part in causing pain in her because of the miscommunication. It was never your intent to hurt her, correct? You love her. She is your daughter.

Therefore, it really doesn’t matter what you said or what you didn’t say that got your daughter upset. The point is she’s upset and she’s hurting also.

I’m sure she will eventually tell you the reasons why she stopped talking to you but in her own time. For now, you asked for advice on this platform and that’s my advice. Tell your daughter that you love her and you are sorry for hurting her.

I wish you all the best,

Marguerite

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You should tell her your very sorry that you hurt her and ask for her to forgive you? It does not matter what it was. What is more important to you.
If she still does not want you in her life, then she the one missing out. You could text the kids every couple weeks. Just say you are thinking of them and hope they are doing well. That you miss them and love them.
They probably will not reply back for along time but at least you have not given up on them. Maybe teach a childrens bible school, work with kids it or volunteer. There are many other children that would love to show them some kindness.

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Speaking as someone who, as a child, was involved with my family’s drama and for a brief period of time did not see my grandmother, I will say this–adults need to stop involving their children with their drama. They’re the ones missing out getting to know their grandmother and are old enough that they can form their own opinions.
My suggestion? The kids should speak to their mother. Tell her they miss you, and want you in their life. They can suggest you two speak about whatever happened, or at least be allowed to communicate and visit with you without sneaking around.

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