Living with Schizoaffective disorder and bipolar one

Hello. Just trying to,see if anyone else has this disease…I also have PTSD and anxiety disorder…
I was molested at 10 by my step father and a priest at 15. People in high school raped,me and I was on,my own in the east coast. So my choices were not good bit I had no support from my family except for my mother sending me bibles etc which at that time I threw them out…now I go to,mass and am invoked in the faith.
Please if anyone has any of these difficulties like these. Thank you.

7 Likes

My daughter struggles with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I know counseling has helped her tremendously!! She has a strong family support system though - I am sorry you don’t that that - and a strong faith support system.

4 Likes

Hi. I mostly do things alone unless some women from the senior center go to church with me. So far 2 women have started going to,mass with me.
I,have,my,other two,sons and a friend of 33 years who supports me from WA state.
So I’m,not totally alone.
And I do have a strong faith.
Thanks for your response
What does your daughter do for her problems? Maybe I could learn something?

1 Like

She did biofeedback but didn’t think that helped much.

Her therapist / counselor gave her things to do - she doesn’t share all that with me - such as journaling including the good things she could see, and tracking her mood daily.

I know this isn’t a lot but I hope it helps a little.

2 Likes

Thank,you
I forget to journal…I,think that helps me…I will start doing that…thanks Kathy

2 Likes

Hi… Just curious…have you and your daughter ever talked about what might be causing her PTSD? I Know when I lived in Washington state I realized what all,my PTSD stemmed from.

It doesn’t go away its good to have a safety plan in,place…like what she likes to hold maybe a stuffed or real animal.does she like to listen to,music? Does she like to swim or read? Does she have any favorite games online…sometime that can be fun! Maybe go to the,movies or library. You can rent movies and he’s at most libraries. Can she go to a zoo or aquarium? I can think,of lots to do if she’s up for it… Or maybe you could go with her…
My problem is I don’t like to do things alone.
I’m,going to start water aerobics at a center soon. I,just got a swim suit and going to go see the movie Dumbo that just came out…asked if,my granddaughter and grandsons could go with the daughter in law and me but she didn’t think the kids could sit through it
They won’t let me take my 6 year old grandaug b tee anywhere or watch the kids as they think I’m crazy.
Which I’m not…
Anyway I hope some of that can help your daughter. Also there are hundreds of safe places to volunteer like a hospital, humane society with the animals …
Anyway I hope some of this can help your daughter.

2 Likes

Thank you for the helpful suggestions. We do know the source of the PTSD. My daughter is an adult now and a nurse. She has worked through a lot of the effects of PTSD with help from her counselor. Now as a nurse with a psychology minor, she knows it never goes away and, as much as possible, she avoids her triggers. She also has a dog that has helped her a lot. She is also an aunt and the unconditional love from her nephew is great therapy - and soon to have a second nephew. I am sorry your family doesn’t allow this for you. My daughter also finds that comedy helps as well. As I mentioned she also journals which has helped her see her improvements over time, and what has helped over time. When she does have to deal with a trigger, ahe has learned to go to her ‘safe place’ of what has worked in the past.
Thank you again for your great suggestions. I hope you can find that unconditional love and what ‘safe place’ works best for you when you have to encounter triggers.

2 Likes

I had a great dog of 6 years and when I came to Nebraska I couldn’t keep her so I,miss her a lot…when I would cry ahe would lick my tears. She was a big golden dog…I am trying to do better …

1 Like

Hang in there!! Stay on here if you are feeling worse because it helps to talk with people who understand what you are thinking.

2 Likes

Thanks so,much!

2 Likes

I am so sorry you had to face such overwhelming pain, it’s horrible. But can tell u r so strong. Much stronger than u think. Your here. You survived. Yes, from ur post I can tell it left some serious scars. It would have made most people give up. But u have regained ur faith…not sure I could have done that. I talk to Jesus in my, what the hell days. God seems so overwhelming for me. How do I cope? I never liked anyone or anything control me. And I remind myself that neither is this BS (Bipolar, severe depression, I literally never leave my house except to go the doctor. I grocery shop on line, other needs I buy at Amazon bcause they deliver. Boyfriend picks up scripts. It’s crazy. I have had a brand new car and in a year I’ve put 4000 miles on it. But I try to keep on keeping on. What else can we do. Right. Ur not alone there r alot of us out there…lol
Glad u found us. Welcome

4 Likes

Hi.,just got this message. Its midnight in Omaha Nebraska…I just got off the phone with my only friend from WASHINGTON state. We have been friends for 33 years. He said he’s going to come visit soon. And I can go out there on the 4th of July…my son now only sends me pictures of the kids.and a one liner text. Same with,his wife. She asked how I was doing in this 95 degree heat. I told her I was ok. She said that’s great and that’s the end of both conversations for the whole day…its really hard being alone everyday. Thus past winter I ordered my food from whole foods Amazon delivery…I don’t like to stay in the house all day alone but with my meds I can’t get overheated so I can’t stay out in the heat very long…the senior center is sketchy. All the people are ten or 20 years older than me and infermed…they can’t go swimming or work out on a machine in the gym etc. So I’m going to have to start all,over with this new community center…Krok center… Going to go swimming there tomorrow morning…trying to get a scholarship for half price…hope you are feeling ok tonight. Its rough not having anyone to do anything with…I,just keep praying and try to keep my spirits up…its not easy…thanks so,much for writing. It made me feel better to know someone cares…thank you again and God bless you!💝

1 Like

What is bio feedback?

It’s a technique that trains people to improve their health by controlling certain bodily processes that normally happen involuntarily, such as heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and skin temperature. For my daughter it helps with heart rate (she has POTS) and muscle tension the most.

1 Like

I am a Veteran, I suffer with Bipolar 1. My last Mania episode was 3 days ago. I was molested twice, and kidnapped once as a kid. I have no job, no money, and no benifits. I have applied 5 times for Social Security and I am still waiting. The Army said it existed prior to service, but their proof is non existent. So yeah… I know where your coming from. Hang in there…take your meds.

2 Likes

SS. Could care less about anyone. Do you have an attorney? That may help.

If you have BPD 1 or BPD 2 you should be taking your meds, if it’s still stressful get your meds adjusted. It’s about finding the right cocktail that works for you. Stress is magnified in the eye of a BPD patient. TAKE YOUR MEDS. NO MATTER WHAT. It gets worse if not medicated.

1 Like

Veteran, I don’t know where u r. But I am in FL and tried for 3 yrs to get SSDI with nothing. They said my Drs. didn’t respond. I went to every one. Found copies of letters they sent etc…
Later I moved to KY hired Binder and Binder(the came out of NY as it was the closest. I had my SSDI in 8 mos. They back dated my eligibility to Aug 2007. Ironically the first time I applied. Then I got a CD of my file and right in there it said approved Oct 2007. Underneath it has a memo “Does she have an attorney”. I didn’t. What a crock. Anyway get an Attorney. Binder and Binder did right by me. They get 1/3 of ur back pay, but I didn’t care, I got a monthly ck for the rest of my life. Hope this helps

Huges and support! I have almost the same story except for the priest, mine was a fellow student at a boarding school I attended in Colorado. Now I have a diagnosis of Schezioaffective Disorder with some issues surrounding possible PTSD. Ironically it’s the hallucinations which get me into trouble. When I get stressed out I experience visions of blood flowing down the walls around me. I know that these events are completely inside my head as thankfully since touching a wall while it’s bleeding allows me to confirm reality. However the voices instructing me to jump off a bridge/building, step in front of a speeding vehicle, and other associated commands are less easy to deal with. Somehow I was introduced to computers and networks as a teenager and before my schizophrenia fully manifested itself. My parents not knowing what happened but realizing that I was not functioning well in school or other social events my peers found easy got me into therapy early which allowed me to build a firewall for my psychoses. Now for most psychotic events I take my cue from those around me, if no-one else seems to be responding to the dragon in the street then I reclassify it as most likely an eighteen wheeler(tractor trailer) and treat it as such. This does not mean that when I drive I can just assume that nothing is there it most likely means that on this plane of existence that area is occupied by something solid and should not be intermingled with by say the vehicle I am controlling. This also allows me to recast some, sadly not all command hallucinations as events I can safely ignore. Some hallucinations are those provided by my adoptive parents which are much harder to ignore or forget. Statements from parents that they wish they had not picked you are things that the worst nightmare are made of and have left gangrenous scars which I still fight with 30+ years later. I know now that parents say things in the heat of a moment that under normal circumstances would never even be thought, and those who we look up to as children for support and guidance can do amazing amounts of damage even with the best of intentions. As such I’m very happy to hear others being able to share their pain and find ways through that pain. May your path be less painful moving forward as no one should have to experience the things which were alluded to by a priest or anyone in a position where trust should have been paramount. I’m amazed that you are able to share those rotten fears from early in your life and it hasn’t been something that has taken your life like depression is want to do.

Again hugs and support. May your days get better from here on and those who hurt you deal with their internal conscience for what has been done to you.

♥️NoCo_Jeff♥️

1 Like

Thank you Jeff…I also hallucinate…I see Jesus in a robin and the state patrol is Jesus…I hear the blessed mother talking to me and Jesus when I ask them things and it gets confusing as the devil also talks…so trying to figure out who is who is hard…
I have had faces very small come out of the wall and they moved like they were talking…finally I got out of bed and poked one with my finger and it disappeared but when I went back to bed they were still there…then one night I was staying up all night staring at a dot on the ceiling and thinking it was the holy spirit and I was doing this all night and morning and I heard this very loud noise which I thought was the devil coming down the street and devouring people in their homes, I waited frightened out of my mind for him to eat me and when the noise got outside my door I freaked out…never left the couch…
Then as it passed and I was still alive Jesus told me I would live and it was the garbage truck…I’ve had so many visual and auditory hallucinations that I will never forget any of them…this started at 33 and I looked out my bedroom window and saw robin’s all over the grass and thought they were demons…
From there it just went from bad to worse…I still have problems…I get angry when I have to serve everyone emotionally and spiritually.
.and get nothing back…
I just got back from the gym where I left my friend for an hour crying why do I have to live all alone in nebraska? I don’t have a clue what’s going on.
No one likes me.
If I’m their friend its great but no one ever calls me.
They just use me for rides as their from the senior center and are 10-20 years older than me and have no cars…
No one ever offered except one person to give me gas money.
So I don’t go there anymore.
So I’m,just isolated and live with God…I don’t do well with more than one person…
And even then I can’t think of anything to say.
Everyone always talks about themselves and never asks how I’m really doing? I’m always suppose to say fine when my cruel daughter in law asks…I’m sorry for going on.
I know how you feel but I never had anyone ever talk about my hallucinations with me…
Which I believe are real even though they tell me its psychosis…it was good to hear you the first person in 33 years EVER talk about their hallucinations…there is no one to relate to.
Even in a group there is no c comfort in hearing other people tell their problems…I,had to sit through 8 people saying their problems and it just went on and on.
I,left the group the same day.
I thought I could relate but I couldn’t…I don’t know anyone with schizo affective disorder. Your lucky you had your parents and early Theraphy…
My family never talked about my illness…I still don’t understand…I,must have read about schizo affective disorder a 1000 times.
I appreciate a lot your sharing yourself with me.
I don’t know anyone who ever has done that…thank you.
I haven’t ever been able to relate to anyone since I got so called sick.
.well I have to pick up my only friend from Washington who is visiting for 11 days. He’s 81.
So I’ve known him 30 years but he doesn’t get my illness.
I don’t get it myself. They just keep trying to give me more anti psychotics and antidepressants.
Which I don’t take as the stone me out.
I’m on held an and have been for years an anti psychotic which doesn’t work.
Anyway…I have to go now.
Please write back if you feel like it.
It would be nice to know someone I can relate to.
Again thank you…❤🐯