I have major depression, bipolar 2, and anxiety. I have seen a psychiatrist and therapist for almost 20 years. I’ve had some traumatic things in the past lost parents, job, and family due to this illness. I was to be married August 2018 but my fiancée decided to throw me and my things out right before our paid wedding. This happened in June 2018. I had to cancel the wedding venue and honeymoon cabin thus losing money. I ended up throwing my wedding dress away with the trash. My fiancée married another March 2019. All of this cause a major breakdown. I have no family or friends to help me. So…this is my story.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I went through something similar. I had gone to my HS reunion in Texas for 2 weeks and 6months before my wedding. I came home and he told me that he was getting back with his kids mom for the kids sake. Wich she is the one who cheated on him
Spirit-Warrior—Thank You for Sharing and I’m sorry you have gone threw all that especially in such a short amount of time, A lot of Emotional Trauma!
Have you considered finding another Therapist? 20 yers is a long time to work with a Therapist to not have worked through some of your trauma so you can let go of it! I to have had a lot of trauma in my life, for many years I dealt with it threw Drugs and Alcohol numbing myself but when I came down from the Drugs the Pain and Fear was always still there!
I don’t know the trauma that you have gone through but some of my trauma stems clear from my childhood! Growing up I had 3 perpetrators who molested me beginning with my babysitters husband when I was in kindergarten, I did not know/understand that the actions that were happening were wrong because of being told to obay adults, my second perp was my cousin on a visit to my Grandparents farm, but the worst and most damaging perp was my Father who molested me from the time I was in 3rd grade until I got married to my first husband and moved 50 miles away! I had no one to talk to due to it being an era that wasn’t talked
about so I was on my own! It was easier to avoid him as I got older by staying out all night with boyfriend/friends! My Mother had no suspicion of what was going on and it was something I was not going to share with her because I didn’t want to be the reason the Family broke nor did I want to give her the pain of knowing! I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety, I was suicidal! I married my first boyfriend that we where together all threw High School. I married him 4 days after I turned 19 because my parents said I had to wait till I was 19! That Husband started my next bout of trauma with being an Abuser! He was extremely Emotionally abusive which to me is the worst kind of abuse! He was also Physically abusive but the Emotional abuse took me away, I could not think for myself, couldn’t make decisions, walking on egg shells not knowing what was to happen next, I could not do anything right by him, I was told numerous times I was fat and ugly which I believed (at that time being 6ft tall I weighed 145lbs, far from being fat)! My second Husband was worse with Emotional and the Physical was every other night, if not every night!
Other trauma I’ve experienced was the loss of my son who was stillborn and a major trauma for me causing me deeper into the Drugs! I had been fighting with first Husband for the custody of our daughter which 2 months after the loss of my son I lost custody of my daughter to her father so I had to deal with 2 losses of Children in a matter of months, the loss of her was like a death to me! I lost custody because he used the abuse of 2nd husband in front of her, he had nothing to use against me other than that! Enough of the trauma!
I was homeless (not the first time) at the time but this time was my breaking point and I asked my friend for help getting me into recovery. Recovery helped me to find out who I am, I reached out to Therapy, my Therapist specialized in abuse, we talked about everything that had happened to me, she gave me assignments to work on in between appointments and it took time but I was able to Work Through everything that had happened to me, trying to Get Over it does not work it always comes back! You need to Work Through it , feel the pain, hurt, sorrow, anger, whole spectrum of emotions to get to the point of love and Forgiveness for self and the people who hurt you!
The NA Program said I needed a Higher Power, it took me a while(I hated God) but a Friend from the Program invited me to Church and when I was ready to open up to God I learned the things I had gone through prepared me for God’s plan for me, sharing my story and helping other that are going through/have gone through similar trauma!
Sorry for rambling but I felt this was a time to share!
Spirit-Warrior know that you are not alone and by reaching out with your post is a start for your Recovery of Life! Good Luck and Please keep us Updated!
I am sorry to hear that you’re alone in what you are going through. It is difficult and easy to stay cut off from others. I would suggest asking your therapist and psychiatrist for referrals to support groups that specializes in your trauma. There are good support groups out there. It can take some work and perseverance to find one that fits well for you. However, I learned much with the right group; like who and how to trust, and that I wasn’t alone in my experiences (even if some of the details are different). I wish you well. And hang in there!
I read your post , OMG , I’m so sorry to hear that , I have PTSD , &. my ex distroyed my U S ARMY career , & lied to me about her name , age , & education , I wish I had never married a Korean woman .
I’m there with you not sure if its bipolar1 or 2 that I have but it’s made my life the exact same way. So I thought I would beat it and just start learning to live alone I got the financial part of it so messed up got so manic from my depression not being dealt with I lost everything including some of my family. It hurts every day to think that if I just could have stopped to take care of myself each time i thought about it maybe i would have gotten to say I’d made it almost 4 years with a job and a somewhat existence. I just didn’t make it. I’m coming to realize I dont know how to deal with my disease like I say I do and filling for SSI.
L. Kham Cummings