He'll in your own mind

Does anyone feel so alone all you’ve ever really wanted is for someone to talk to, and to really understand you but it’s like you can only take so much before you push them away?

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A lot! I tend to sabotage my own good times as well.

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I am unclear on how exactly you believe you are pushing people away. There are many ways that can be done. Can I get a better understanding of how this happens.?

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Yes! My isolation is numbing. The One person who I could talk to at any time has dementia so she cannot remember what was said the moment what was said has left your lips. So, she is of no help. Oh and she’s my mom. This wasn’t too bad because I could always talk to my Dad but he died one month ago. Now I’m walking around in a numbing fog & I’m just overwhelmed by it all. Figuring this out has been a royal pain in the butt.

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You’re not alone… I’m sorry to hear about all of this. I’m here for you

I just want to be loved for me without all the heartaches and deceit I struggle daily and wish my mom was here to wrap her arms around me and say it’s going to be okay

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Hell yes! I feel like I’m always putting my foot in my mouth, just telling people what’s going on in my life when they ask, “Hi, how are you feeling?” I figure if they really want to know how I feel 😅 they deserve to know! Lol! But then when I try to tell them without freaking them out too much, I still come out sounding like a total monster. 😓

Well, how are you feeling?

I attended a movie sponsored by a suicide prevention organization. The movie was about a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. He’s the only person that ever survived. The movie is on YouTube.
He now goes all over the world talking about what he learned.
Now to the point being made here. At one point he said “the most important thing is for someone to ask me, and me to ask others-How Are You”. Those three little words can change my day. If I’m isolating, feeling Helpless and Hopeless, see no purpose in going on, those three words can give me hope. Why, because someone cares.
Unfortunately I don’t get asked very often. So I dig in and do the best I can.

So today, I’m asking all of you;
HOW ARE YOU

Yes, I find myself doing that alot

It is common for people to get in repetitive patterns of self sabotage as a way to continue being alone. Perhaps you have gotten used to being alone and it is comfortable, and thus, when someone new enters the picture, at first it is exciting, but then your subconscious begins to realize that you are venturing into the unknown, and therefore you push people away because relationships are unfamiliar. It is your subconscious need to control the situation and avoid Change.

We all have a fear of Change to a certain degree, you just have to ask yourself, how willing are you to leap outside your comfort zone and face your fear head on?

Because without change, you can never move forward.

I’ve learned to try and explain my disease and have them clued in on what works and what doesn’t if I always take the mind set that one day they may not be able to cope with me and I could end up alone its probably not the best way to think but alot of times it’s how it really is.

L. Kham Cummings