Feelings!

I’m 43 years old now and I am feeling like my life is a broken record, like I am falling in the same hole over and over again. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, Schitzoaffective Disorder, Severe Depression and PTSD back in 2002. I’ve been abused all my life physically, emotionally, and mentally. I know how I’m feeling and thinking about but I’m constantly being told that I don’t see how I am really acting or reacting towards anyone and I’m just crazy. The way I see it the people telling me this I believe that they are the ones with the mental problems. But because I was diagnosed and literally labeled with psychological disorders that is making me question myself if I’m not really seeing my behaviors or emotions.

I’m thinking maybe the only way to really find out is to get rid of these negative influences in my life and go on my own because that is the only way I think I could really see it in myself. I’ve been manipulated my whole life and I believe this is really part of the reason why. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any advice?

Oh my you could be writing for the way my life feels right now. It’s hard to express your feelings without them being discounted to my “mental illness” and therefore I am not heard.
I feel trapped and I can’t find my way out. I feel like all I hear in return is “ you should have your meds adjusted”, “you need to go see your therapist “, “you need to calm down”, etc.
I am at the cross roads of giving up If you find a way out of the rabbit hole. Be well

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Being a woman makes it hard. Especially with the abuse many of us have endured. Ask around for a empathetic doctor. I have found after years of searching a fantastic Internal Medicine doctor who is very thorough and handles neurological issues. She has me using an online cognitive therapy program. It has helped tremendously. It’s called Silver Cloud I think. She also has referred me to a doctor that has me coming in for neuro therapy which helps clear and calm my mind
I’ll find out what its called for you. Your not alone. Don’t stop advocating for your healtj.
You are important too.

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I even went to the doctor because I was in a bad accident and my back was hurting really bad and the doctor told me it was all in my head because he saw I had mental health issues.

It seems like you have a lot going on. I suffer mostly from ADD (now under the ADHD umbrella Dx). What you feel is what you feel, and just because you have been labeled with mental illness doesn’t mean you are wrong, no matter how those around you perceive it! They might be unable or unwilling to see your perspective, but you should try to see theirs. It might help you to understand why they react the way that they do, and give you more power to improve your interactions with them.

I feel like mental health is still something of a taboo. It took me 5 years to find a psychiatrist because I can’t afford to pay out of pocket, and the few within a reasonable distance who would take my insurance was not taking new patients. Eventually I got onto a waiting list.

My spouse also suffers psychiatric issues, but refuses to get any professional help, while at the same time reminding me nearly every day about my need for medication.

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You are stronger than you want to recognize. You are being abused because you think you need other people in your life. These people are toxic. They are making you sick. They need people like you to abuse so they are just nice enough to make you think you are wanted.
Take your meds, see your doctor

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