Feeling helpless, am I being mentally abused, or am I just paranoid?!

I am diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, PTSD, Borderline personality disorder.
Well, I can’t tell if it’s my paranoia or not, my mother and boyfriend both constantly tell me things I see hear aren’t real and aren’t valid. They tell me to just trust them to tell me what’s real but I can’t and a few times I’ll catch them lying about it, I can’t trust myself but they get mean because I can’t, and once they’ve got me question ing myself, then they say put in jabs and really hurt me… If I get mad or cry or anything other than agree it’s “your having an episode” and the guilt trip never ends, I’m often reminded of mistakes I have made and how I’ve wronged them it got so bad and I felt so guilty that I killed myself I had to be removed. They always remind me " no one can MAKE someone commit suicide, it’s so selfish" as I was dying the last things they said were “are you happy now?” “Your so stupid” neither of them called the ambulance, my little sisters boyfriend did, but my mother AND boyfriend both say they did. They both did care about me, mom too busy with chemical happiness and the pursuit of it, and he had fist foufght with me and always won, but that was only for 7 or 8 yrs he started being he says faithful and incredibly kind around the time we found out I had gotten approved for disability. But now, my mom wants to be around me, and I got the man I used to love so much finally treating me like he should have done in the beginning finally I’m gett I ng treated like he treats his other old girls… Y’all please help I’m going even more insane… I can’t stop trying to make sense of my life…

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When things are crazy in my life and dont make sense to me, I pray about it. I reach out to a friend or family member that I trust completely and ask for help. You shouldn’t have to face things alone. Go back to the basics and work your way up to what you know as real. If you dont trust people that you live with, you might want to see if you can live somewhere else. If you can not, than find inner peace and ask God to help you. There are ways to make your life better one step at a time!

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I hope that you have a therapist to help you. We have a low cost, or no cost clinic here in our County.
You really need to get away from the negative people in your life.
They are a big part of your problem.
I know that it is hard to find an affordable place of your own. Try looking into an RV. They are small, but usually you can find an affordable 1, or rent 1 in a mobile home park, or RV park. This would also give you some positive activity as well.
You really need some positivity in your life. Until then, try going for walks. This can help clear your mind and it is also good for your body. (If you are physically able.)
You must find a way to get away from your current situation.
God bless you and God be with you.

God Bless You!
I am going to include you in my daily prayers.
No One Should Live in an Evironment they feel UNSAFE IN. It is hard to find someone to trust on any given day.
A friend told me the courts & State agencies are not equipped to handle Mental Health.
I want the Best for You!
What works for me, in my day to day world… may not be the answer. I find prayer is a tremendous assistance for me. But prayer without works does nothing.
I pray. Meditate. Journal in two different forms: I have a Gratefulness Journal & I had a document Journal where I just review my day, hopes & dreams.
“Louise Hay” has a excellent website & owns a publishing company that produces a lot of self help experts. She even publishes Suzi Orman the financial expert.
One of the best things I do is WALK.
I chose to walk with my dogs, regularly. Sometimes I walk with a group of women from church. I don’t know why walking is so helpful, but it is. No matter if I walk in a group or with the dogs… i always feel refreshed, more alert after.
Believe me it it hasn’t helped my weight. But it helps me maintain my weight. Walking keeps me mentally sharp. I started in my 30’s & I am 75 now. On those alone walks, don’t laugh, I commune with God, hum a song. I NEVER wear those ear plugs for safety reasons. I want to hear everything in my surroundings.
As I said I will include you on my prayer list.
May God Bless You!

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