My name is Steph
I have depression and anxiety. Along with physical health issues causing chronic pain andmore depressed than ever. I don’t like myself. I never had this problem. I am very restricted physically and I feel worthless. I feel I am a burden to everyone close to me. I’m worse off than ever before. I am on medication. I guess it needs to be changed. Cannot afford a therapist or a psychologist. So I just drag everyday. Some days I just feel nothing.
My name is Steph
Blockhead, hang in there. Especially with where we are as a country. It will get better. You will make it!!
I have been where you are and I know those feelings. I cant work and have to depend on my dad and stepmom to help me. I am limited to what I can do. I have felt, and sometimes still feel like a burden. I am on lots of meds too. I started looking for stuff that I enjoy and focusing on that. I like to paint and work with my plants. Do you have any hobbies or things you might be interested in? Instead of thinking about all the negative, think about what you can do. Think about the positive in your life.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m happy to listen!!
I do have a few things that help me like playing a game I like on my phone. Listening to music always helps. But recently it’s been extreme depression. I still do my brest to try everyday. I can’t always make it a whole work day because of pain but I try. But I still feel worthless and broken physically and emotionally. I am still trying to do the best I can though. Thank you for your information and concern
Thank you for your encouragement
Of course! Happy to listen and encourage!!
Check with your local Department of Health.
Most areas have a clinic of some sort for those who are uninsured, or financially unable to pay for mental health care. NO, I didn’t say you are crazy. (Even though I think that we all have to be at least a little crazy, to survive in this world.)
We have a great place here where I live. I went there for several months, after I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I lost my job because I was missing too much work. They helped me a lot. I was able to get my head and heart back to a manageable place.
You can also check with your current dr. You shouldn’t need a referral.
I also agree that you need to find the positives in your life. Your friends and family love you UNCONDITIONALLY. Try to spend some time with them at least 1 day a week. Visit with a different one every week. Then, work off of that high til the next visit.
My only child (my world) moved 20 hours away in December. From FL to NY. I miss her more than anything. Thankfully she knows that I need her close. So she facetimes me a couple times a week. I don’t know how I would handle it otherwise.
Think about some of the suggestions that people have sent to you. Give each 1 a try. Then, do whatever works for you.
God bless, sending prayers for healing.
Thank you very much for your suggestions and concern ❤
As I too suffer from chronic physical pain along with a myriad of other medical conditions and like you psychological stress, depression and anxiety.
My life is a trainwreck as I lost my job of 23 years because they would not allow me to continue telecommuting. Going from making six-figures to $800 a month was financially impossible and defeating.
Since then life has become a rollercoaster with as many up’s, downs and being over my head than ever before. Of course I lost my Health Insurance when I lost my job. Adding me to my wife’s health insurance was going to cost $12,000 a year and the government based health insurance was going to be even more.
So, what I am trying to say is no one can grasp your pain but many can relate to your condition.
Let me compound on a previous statement and add a suggestion as both have helped me. First, definitely try and find a Free Clinic. I did reluctantly as I did not know what to expect and was sure they would thrown me out . Surprisingly I found a team of volunteers who were not judgemental. Matter of fact they embraced me doing the normal doctor paperwork drill as I shown them my termination documents along with both previous and current financials.
The lady reviewing the information keyed in on only one issue which was my Diabetes and current medical care. She asked me about my current medications that I had (none) and how I was controlling my Diabetes (I wasn’t) which sent this kind lady into a great deal of personal commitment to ensure that I had a free doctor’s appointment in less than 48 hours. From there the doctor treated me with total respect reviewing my medical history, providing a current diagnosis and then providing me literally thousands of dollars in medication. Not only for my Diabetes but all my medical conditions. It was a great relief and reminder that God is Great and people will try and do the right thing.
At the same time I found a lawyer who would file an application for my Social Security Disability. Blessedly my documents were reviewed, I seen a couple of their doctors and followed everything they said to the letter. I ensured that they had every medical record from the last ten years and completed every form always using multiple pages for answers to their questions. As I did all this (my lawyer only filed the documents) it paid off with Social Security approving my application after the first review in about five months. It is a blessing to have the income as even though my income is only 35% of what it was. I have found it’s not what we make but what we spend. Adjusting our quality of life, cutting out the nice things to have and many other things has in reality made my last few months easier.
One last comment as I apologize for my long post. Regarding adult children, where you miss your daughter, my daughter-in-law and her non-working husband moved in with us over a year ago. My life finds comfort in their being here it has compounded my depression and anxiety. I hate the entire situation and truthfully believe it has destroyed my marriage. They have no intention of moving out less finding someone else to live off of. They contribute nothing financially nor around the house. She is a teacher who in her second year makes more money than I did after ten years in the Navy. It took them 16 months to get their own vehicle as again they were comfortable with using her mother’s car without taking into account that her mom can’t afford to replace the already 12 year old vehicle.
I don’t know what the end result will be as so much damage has been done. So many ugly words and attitudes from both of us have been terrible. Her daughter sees and hers it all and is hoping that she can break us up. That way she can use her control over her mom to get our home. Sadly my wife doesn’t seem to grasp any of this (denial) and thinks that it will work itself out if I just understand how hard it is for her daughter in regards to living on her own.
Only God knows what the future holds as adding this stress to my lower back and Sciatica pain is worse than ever.
I am a firm believer in adult kids leaving home either for college, getting a fulltime job or as I did join the military. Your daughter is not dismissing you but trying to find her own way. Luckily technology allows you to see her through the lens of our phones a couple of times weekly. Support her in her endeavors while you find a clinic and a lawyer. I forgot to mention earlier that my Social Security Disability Lawyer charged me nothing only taking a 3rd from any back pay you will get. Don’t listen to people who might have tried to file, were rejected, etc. as each case is different.
Please let me know if I can help you out from here. Finding lawyers, competing forms, gathering data, etc. are things I can definitely help you with.
Scott (Zcott was a typo that I couldn’t fix)
Scott, I can almost copy your text. Except, my daughter hasn’t affected my marriage.
I have most of the same medical problems as you, except for diabetes. My Fibromyalgia was born out of physical pain, & permanent damage to my spine and muscles.
For the Disability, my dr wouldn’t cooperate. I lost my job of 21 years. My husband took care of all of our expenses. But, I didn’t have my own money, I hated having to ask my husband for money. I finally checked into collecting my retirement from the government. I started getting that Nov ‘18. Next May, I will start collecting SS. So, I have not bothered to file again for disability.
My insurance is over $600 a month, so my husband pays half of it for me.
My daughter is probably happier than she has ever been. I am really proud of her. She finally found a wonderful man. They are so good together. She takes care of her father-in-law, who lives with them. She took care of her Mom-in-law till she passed back in October.
They saved the family property up in NY. His parents were no longer able to keep up with the taxes. It is 47 acres of mountain and stream & 2 ponds. She is in heaven. Dec was the 1st time she saw snow. She was 31 years old. I will make it up there to see it 1 day.
She had some problems with life for a few years, but, most of us have to work our way through life. But, she is so happy now. Her & her fiance’ are made for each other. They can even work together.
I am so happy that I found this app. It is nice to talk to someone who understands.
I totally understand where you are. I too, am feeling just like you. I am having major problems with my intrathecal pain pump that controls my chronic pain. It is the 3rd one, gets replaced approximately every 5-6 years due to battery life. The last replacement in January 2019, should have been put in a different play in my abdomen, not the same “pocket” the first 2 were in. The incision was closed with surgical glue instead of stitches. It has broken through my skin again, leaving a hole, & I can see the pump. It is rubbing in another place & the skin is getting thin in that area. I am in some major discomfort but trying to muddle through. I feel & am alone 24/7/365. Two of my 3 children live in the same new house development, but I never see them, phone does not ring I could be dead & now one know. I divorced my cheating, narcissistic husband in 2014. We were married 35 years & he went & married the wh*re. She is our daughter’s age!!! He did so much damage to our family & it angers me!! He is now trying to get his pastors license. He is abandoning the Godly Christian values that we instilled into our children. He has abandoned his 3 children & 6 grandchildren. Of course everything was always my fault. My heart is broken, unrepairable, & it makes me so angry. All I have ever wanted my entire life is to be loved & accepted. I have nowhere to go. I cry a lot. I appreciate you all listening.
Thank you for this inspiring story and information. I have yet to find any sort of free clinic of any kind in Utah. I have lived here all my life and it is very hard to get help of any kind when it comes to stuff like that. At least to my knowledge. I just got my denial letter for my social security. I just cried. So the lawyer is something I will definitely look into. I cannot hardly get through a full work day. The specialist suggested I might need a different job in the future. I work at a call center. I cannot get a job where I’m lifting or reaching and I honestly don’t have much experience of anything specific to fall back on as far as employment. I have FMLA but that only helps so much. I do apologize if some of this is repetitive from my original post. It’s been a really rough month for our family and I just haven’t been focusing well. I don’t even remember what bI said about my daughter in my original post I will have to go back and see. But I am so proud of her! She’s taking the GED tomorrow she want’s to be a nurse as she’s been in and out of hospitals/ facilities since she was 13. She drank drain cleaner and it’s a miracle in itself that she is alive today. She’s come so far she’s doing amazing and want’s to be a nurse at the Children’s hospital where she still has to go every 6 months or so for esophageal dilation. I’m not sure how I got off on all of that here in my reply but I guess it just fit. Anyways thank you so much for your comment and honestly anything you can find that might be helpful in Utah county would be amazing.
I feel you with the marriage thing. So much damage from my ex too too me and my kids. I feel responsible for partly for staying with him for so long always trying and hoping it would get better while raising be kids on my own even being married. He was absolutely worthless and verbally abusive. I suffer PTSD and have had a therapist tell me I don’t have PTSD. I have so many triggers to this day it makes it hard in my good relationship with my husband now but we endure the past and we do our best to help and love eachother always. I feel for you having the passion and the problems with your machine. Thank you very much for your comment
This is wonderful thank you for sharing
All to familiar feeling. If your religious pray. But really you put your heart into it. It helps me most days